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Tuesday, August 2, 2016

                                                   unskilled at  love

                                     We were cutting out the O
                                      from the word 'love'
                                       when my dad handed me the scissors

                                       head bent, he left no footprints
                                       on the snow as
                                       my unskilled hands
                                       spelled  the rest of the word
                                       in such grotesque figures
                                       that only Cyclops could read.
                                     
                                       I had only childish exclamations
                                       or the mess I made with love
                                       dressed in the white silk dress
                                       my dad bought and sent
                                      so he could scrub his blackened heart clean
                                       in the Alaskan mines.

                                       The unfinished word
                                       carved on my skin
                                       branded on my lips
                                       like hot coals
                                   
                                     


Wednesday, July 27, 2016




Gold man 
You flow in my veins
 I burn in your crucible 
Till nothing remains  

Gold man, gold man 
So smooth and warm
 Too precious to hold 
 I melt in your fluid world  

Heat envelops me
 Molten desire shapes me
 Into a rare gem 
That’s my golden man  

Gold man, gold man 
So smooth and warm 
too precious to hold 
I melt in your fluid world 




Sunday, June 5, 2016

“Possessions, outward success, publicity, luxury - to me these have always been contemptible. I believe that a simple and unassuming manner of life is best for everyone, best for both the body and the mind.”

Albert Einstein

     For one year, I lived out of a suitcase. This particular odyssey proved to be challenging, as it goes with the territory. When I was young, I was mesmerized by Ulysses' heroic feats and devoured both of Homer's books, The Odyssey and the Iliad. While on a trip to Epirus, a region of northwest Greece, I was delighted when our tour guide announced that we would be stopping at  the river Acheron, one of the five rivers of the Greek underworld. When the dead person arrived there, at the mouth of the river, they were ferried across by Charon, the ferryman, and took their place among the rest of the departed souls.I walked the path up along the river, along with many others, and tried to imagine what this place was like in the 8th  century B.C. 
     As I strolled along the path and listened to the gentle sounds of the flowing river, the laughter of the children and chatter of tourists, I stopped and closed my eyes. The earth smelled fresh and moist, as though it was the first day of creation. I took deep breaths and leaned against an ancient tree, hoping its secrets would penetrate my weary soul. I wanted, more than ever, to escape my ordered life and begin anew; I was tired of the same routine, same faces, same predictable happenings. On the stage of my life, the same sets and scenes unfolded year after year; the script rarely changed, or, if it was about to be revised, I decided to keep the original, afraid of the new.
     When I opened my eyes. I saw a man who was smiling at me, holding a tiny  bouquet of herbs in his hands. I moved closer, responding to his invitation with a reluctant smile and he wasted no time in explaining his mission:the herb's name is nettle,  he said, and it  was to be drunk and to be used  as a hair rinse after shampooing. I told him that I loved eating nettle pies but unfortunately I could not make one myself. Also, I had read that Alexander the Great had his soldiers rolling in fields of nettle before going to battle to make them more powerful warriors. "You may not be a good cook but you are a true historian!" he exclaimed, clapping his hands. Then,  playfully, he asked me how old I thought he was. 'Thirty-five", I said, thinking fast. You know that people always go a little lower when we ask them this question, just in case.....
     He threw his head back and laughed heartily. "Try again!" he challenged me. "Forty", I replied. I wondered what he would say if I asked him how old he thought I was. No, better not.  He now shook his head negatively, in his particular Greek way. "Ohi, ohi', he said, his smile showing a perfect set of white teeth. "Fifty-five". I looked at him in shock and reached for my wallet. Immediately. We chatted a bit and then other people came to the booth so I waved goodbye. 
     As I held the miraculous herb in my hands, I had an epiphany; I wanted to travel and collect experiences, not things. No more material things. All my life I had dreamed of the perfect home, so I bought and decorated, and gave away furniture and bought some more. My life centered on duty, waiting for others to arrive and leave, supporting, teaching, nurturing, planning, but not living. There was very little life in that life of mine. "Where is the life we have lost in living?", T.S Elliot asks.
     Odysseus took ten long years to return to his home in Ithaca. I had spent over two decades in a small Greek town. 
     So I found myself in Spain, all my belongings stuffed in  a pink suitcase. 





Friday, August 28, 2015

brown -eyed man



He wants to know why
I always go for blue-eyed men
It's noon, coffee shop too noisy
for such confessions.

Perhaps another time, I will tell him
over a glass of wine
not when waiters drop saucers
and swear under their breath.

He lights a cigarette, this brown-eyed man
smiling through swirls of smoke.
It's their hypnotic movement I address,
as though I am reading tea leaves.

I expect abrupt endings, I explain
licking my cappuccino spoon
the adrenaline rush of goodbyes
cruel jabs, the sinking feeling of loss

'You are a drama queen', he says
'You are a drama queen'
'and I love that in you'.

I'll give him a chance
this brown-eyed man
time to hold a memorial for the past
its once fat bones now ready to be laid to rest.


















Saturday, August 22, 2015

On being bullied



The scoffs and jeers jar her being
as she shifts uneasily in her leather chair
sinking lower to become invisible
yet not invincible

Her strength dissolves
 at the sound of their scorn
a trumpet that blows prophetically
making the walls of her resolve crumble

As she braces herself to salvage what remains
she hears the distant drummer's loud beat
grow fainter
he had passed by years before

urging her to follow her bliss
yet she feared, balked and flouted
till he turned away revealing
her  future in the dust of his trail

Ambushed in this cement prison
she  surrenders  to a
cacophony of shrills
orchestrating her demise.

not even the swallow's buoyant song
outside her window can help
its melody too frail a thread
to bind her sorrows.



                                                  

Sunday, August 16, 2015

Memory



                                        The music plays songs you chose
                                         As I shift places but cannot close
                                         the curtain on your laughter
                                         The smoothness of your voice thereafter









Dance



                          'Come dance with me' he said
                          I had my back on him
                          determined to let the moment pass
                 
                         'I will teach you' he called
                          and suddenly I turned.
                          Mistake, I thought, this turning

                         He had his arms outstretched
                         his eyes shone like a thousand
                         shimmering seas
                       
                         Dazzled
                         I closed my eyes
                         And took my very first steps